How to Cultivate Your Tribe

Seems we are finding it difficult to make new friends, especially as we get older. We’ve lost our spouses, our friends, our large homes and neighbours, our children have grown up and have lives of their own, we have resigned from full time paid work, are downsizing and moving away from the place we have established a community and a home; but, most importantly, more and more of our energy is dwindling. In addition to the lack of choice, some of our friends are still working, while we are not and they are socializing on a different time schedule. So, the question becomes, how do we cultivate a tribe at this age and stage of life when the most prosperous and common traditional resources for finding, making and maintaining friends has dried up.

Well, in my experience and experiments, you have to go out a lot. I mean a lot. You need to get out of your head, out of your way and out of your comfort zone to introduce yourself to new people and new adventures. You need to have many meaningful chats and see what sticks, what connections can be made and what relationships built. It usually starts with a small step or introduction because someone has to make the first move, throw out the first smile – the first hello.

Join groups, meet-ups, volunteer, try things, take up new hobbies, attend events, flirt with adventure, explore your interests, take courses, open your mind and cast a wide net. Not everything works but there will be at least one new friend made if you keep at it.

This concept of cultivating your tribe is right on.  Serendipity has been a ‘word’ lately and the idea of having to find new friends as an adult has been popping up everywhere serendipitously in videos, meet-ups, articles, internet, social media, television, etc. There must be a reason that so many people are facing the same life challenge of finding new friends. Let’s face it, you need a tribe in this day and age for so many reasons. In order to stay active, gather support, build community, network and connection, for companionship and for having a sounding board and a social life, cultivating your tribe is important when your previous tribe has moved on or departed. New relationships are good for your mental and physical well-being.

The modern definition of a tribe according to the Webster’s dictionary says it is, ‘a social group composed of numerous members, clans or generations having shared or common character, ancestry, language, occupation or interest’. So, the definition is a good place to start. What’s your character like, what are you interested in, what might you share that someone else might delight in?

It does take energy to cultivate your tribe, but the more you gather, the more energy is generated. Take the time to find your members, spend the time, hang out and support them, make the first move, and build the connection. Everything in life that is worthwhile takes time and work. Work means, listening, vulnerability, showing up, trust and having fun. “That’s what friends are for…” sings Dionne Warwick.