Are you lonely?

I would like to say I am not lonely at age 67 because I am surrounded by people most of the time, but the truth is I am sometimes lonely because I am surrounded by the wrong people. Many times, I have been in a familiar group, at a party or in a crowd of like-minded individuals and still feel lonely. Is that all important human connection missing from our lives? How many seniors feel the same. Well, according to a 2024 Social Connection Survey, 52% of Canadians feel lonely on a regular basis.

Why is loneliness such an issue in our senior years? It doesn’t seem to be such a problem when you are younger or does it?

If we want to combat loneliness, we need to know what it really is and identify the symptoms. Loneliness is actually a reaction within our bodies telling us that we need more human connection and human connection is, according to Brene Brown, “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued and when they drive sustenance and strength from their relationships.” That is why not only seniors but so many Canadians are feeling lonely on a regular basis.

There is great attention given to physical health and mental health these days, but social health is not prioritized, especially in seniors. Without social health, loneliness overcomes us. Loneliness is our body telling us that we need more human interaction. It’s natural.

A lack of human connection can cause physical and mental stress, especially as we age. The benefits of nurturing meaningful relationships in our lives are many. They are powerful vehicles for good health and well-being, happiness, increased immune systems, reduced levels of stress, supports for a strong security network, self confidence builders, ways to build resilience and have quicker recovery time from illness. Having a network, if only small, helps to increase empathy and compassion for others while creating inclusive communities, slowing down the aging process, reducing mortality rates, and being good for the economy as more seniors can age in place.

What is the problem?                           

Unfortunately, this disconnection has been going on long before the Global Pandemic of 2020. Surprisingly, since the 1960s, there has been a collapse of community. Technology has occupied our attentions away from our human relationships and our community connections to a point where 60% of Canadians feel disconnected from their communities according to a YMCA Canada and Angus Reid survey of 2024.

Why is this happening as we get older?

As we get older, our networks decrease, friends move on, and spouses and relatives die off. We are no longer making friends at school or work where we use to and those traditional social connections like neighbourhood activities, dinner parties, service clubs, dances, and faith-based activities, no longer exist. There are fewer close people to talk with, share with, get help and support with, hang out with, and depend on. Many households that were once full of family, are down to one and two occupants.

At one time, community was different and human connection was a priority. Neighbours dropped by, family lived close and near, Sunday dinners with extended family were traditional, everyone knew their neighbours and helped each other out. Much of that has dropped off leaving individuals isolated.  Robert Putnam, author of ‘Bowling Alone’ and creator of the documentary ‘Join or Die’ chronicles how since the 1960s, our changing fast paced world has created individual isolation not connection which has led to loneliness.

The technology age has been good for some things and bad for others. It has been good in keeping us connected what with the internet and cell phones, etc., especially during the global pandemic in which it was invaluable, but it has also been a negative factor in keeping us disconnected. People text and email more than connect personally or in person. We order take out instead of going out, we work from home instead of in offices, we have backyard decks instead of front porches, at home movie theatres, automatic garage doors that allow you to enter in the house and never have to see your neighbours. More than 50 years ago, people joined groups like the PTA, service clubs, women’s auxiliary, girl guides, boy scouts, neighbourhood watch, hobby groups like the railroad club, arts and letter club, leisure sports leagues and many faith-based groups. Friends and neighbours got together for dinner parties, picnics, dances, outings and all sorts of interesting interactive activities.

Since most of these ideas have gone the way of the donkey and have been replaced by social media, no wonder seniors are suffering from a lack of human connection.

What can we do?

We don’t want to admit we are lonely because there is negative stigma attached to it but it’s a natural human condition to feel lonely at times and more importantly, there are things we can do to combat our lack of human connection.

• Admit that it is normal to be lonely sometimes

• Be open and approachable daily even when grieving, so many others are going through exactly the same situations, you would be surprised how we are all the same in many ways, feel the same feelings, wish the same wishes, want the same things

• Reach out to others that might be in the same position and be a human connector

• Advocate for change and take micro actions that rebuild communities that grow human connections and help seniors thrive

• Put yourself in locations, spaces and places where others gather in your community, neighbors, faith-based communities, meet-up groups, clubs, library, community centres

• Call friends regularly

• Partake in self care

• Talk to your neighbours, talk to strangers (being mindful of divulging any personal information for your safety)

• Maintain your close relationships with meaningful intentional connection and quality interactions

• Locate municipal services, your local librarian and community programs that can connect you to others

• Don’t forget part-time work, adult education, volunteering, groups and clubs

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